Doors

August 29, 2009

Walking into work today I notice that I have to walk through four doors to get to my desk. I go through them every day without thinking about it. Each door is a transition from one space or place to another. They separate areas for a reason as they were designed that way by the builder. I do not necessarilly see why but I know that I must go through them to get to where I know I need to be.

There are doors that I am afraid to go through. Doors that lead to places, areas in my life that I want to forget or that lead to a future that I cannot control and that scares me. I can and do hang out by those doors trying to sneak a peak to the other side without commiting myself to passing through. I am afraid that the door will swing shut behind me and then there is no way to go back to that which I knew; that felt more familiar and secure. I can only hang out so long by the door before I wear out my welcome and realize there is nothing left for me on this side. I am stuck and stagnant. I am not moving forward and and in danger of falling into the complacency of accepting that which is instead of moving  forward in the expectancy of what lies ahead, the future that God has for me.

The doors to the past scare me as well. I would rather shut those doors and believe that what happended before is over and not effecting my present and or will not effect my future. There is a reason that I must go back because just putting band-aids on these wounds will not heal them. How can I run forward with all these areas that are weak and expect that they will not be vulnerable to attack. My enemy will exploit them and I will be brought to my knees in defeat time and time again; totally confused and wondering how I got there. I must to go back and figure out where I am weak and wounded. I must allow Jesus into these areas and give Him permission to clean them out completely so I can finally heal.

I must surrender and release them to Him.