Sometimes I have to get out of my car…

I have been thinking about car accidents lately.  

They can be so violent, just a fender bender or a scratched bumper but you definitely come into contact with another person’s car or property and that is a form of intimacy. God is showing me that there are people I have crashed or bumped into along my journey and that I had a choice each time.

I could have gotten out of my car, assessed the damage and made it right, if I was at fault, or allowed the other person the opportunity to do so or chosen to take off from the scene of the accident. I mostly chose the “hit and run” option and I thought I left it all behind me. But it was never resolved and I carried the damage, the baggage with me until I became willing to go back and face it. That meant stopping my car long enough to see and accept the truth and then going back to the other party involved and this scared me.

I wanted to go through life never or very infrequently having to get out of my car. Kind of like always cruising through a drive through to get my needs met or to take care of unpleasant situations in my life and if I did get out of my car; taking off at the first sign that there was going to be conflict or pain involved.

I guess I never would have gotten out except for the fact that I crashed and finally totaled my car. I could not continue to drive around acting like everything was okay anymore. Besides, I was not fooling anyone. The outside of my car was so dented and scratched and just because I did my best to ignore the damage it did not hide the truth from others. It was very obvious to anyone around me that I was not good driver.

This time I was not able to use the usual duct tape and rubber bands to get it going again. I finally chose to surrender and let God slowly put my car, my life back together again. I have had to stop so many times since then and there has been so much insurance information exchanged.

I have taken responsibility for my actions and I have forgiven so many for the damage they did to my car that was not my fault but to be honest…

I still do not want to get out of my car.

I know I will struggle with this till the day I get to leave earth and hang out in Heaven. It is only God’s grace that enables me to cry out for the strength to open my car door and the courage to step out and face my brokenness. And while I am outside I get to do life with others who are willing to get out of their cars too.

Sweet : )

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